- You almost made the cut of people we feel bad about not inviting

People say the darndest things.

And many an awkward conversations will arise because of other people’s – shall we say silly, assumptions. One should never presume things in general, but who are we kidding? Best that you have a few polite responses prepared.

Here are a few common scenarios:

I never received my wedding invitation. Do you think it went missing? (They’re not invited)

We’re so excited to attend – with our two kids! (Nope, no kids at the wedding)

When is the wedding? Let me know so I can take time off of work.”  (Also not invited)

“I’m going to be singing at the ceremony right?” (Over my dead body)

OK then.

The ‘in the moment’ thing to do is to cave to their guests’ requests in order to avoid conflict. Sure, do that if it’s no big deal. An alternative is to delay the response with an “I haven’t thought it through yet.” That buys some time to collect your thoughts and formulate a proper response.

But when you are ready to let the other party down, consider the following for handling these delicate situations with grace:

  1. Be honest: Maybe you had to keep your guest list tight due to budget or venue. Maybe you want an intimate wedding. It’s okay to share that, so long as you are sincere.
  2. Be kind: If you don’t want your aunt to sing at the ceremony because she has a screechy voice, it’s probably best not to say that to her face. You could say that you had your heart set on an organist, or that it’s important to her that she enjoy the day and not have to work.
  3. Choose the right medium: Please, don’t do it over Facebook or text! But if you having a kid free wedding and have friends with children, give them a heads up well in advance to let them know so they can plan for childcare.
  4. Be vague: You don’t have to go into detail about who made the cut, who didn’t and what your criteria was. A simple, sincere statement is all you need.
  5. Be appreciative: “Thank you so much for your interest and we so appreciate your well wishes.” They WANT to be part of your special day. That’s pretty cool!
  6. Know that they will be disappointed: No-one likes to be rejected. They are entitled to their disappointment, so accept it and then move on.
  7. Don’t engage in nonsense: You’ve said what you need to say and you’ve done it politely and sincerely. Now is the time to move on and remove yourself from the situation, even if the other person feels it necessary to make his/her anger or disappointment known. Don’t get sucked into the game. You don’t want to all of a sudden be the bad mannered bride who ends up making headlines!

And remember, there will be more situations that seem like don’t have a logical solution because someone will get hurt. If that’s the case, you’ll have to prepare yourself for a much larger discussion.

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